3 am, its always 3 am when I wake up sweating, in desperate need of water and a trip to the toilet. When I return to bed I struggle to get back to sleep and tell myself I need to stop doing this to myself. I love my sleep, I need my sleep!!! Yet my current eating and drinking habits are doing everything they can to make sure I don’t get any sleep.
My alarm goes off at 5.30am. I drag myself into the bathroom and take a good look at myself in the mirror. My skin is horrendous, its red, blotchy and bloated. I’m covered in breakouts, I used to be so proud of my young-looking skin.
I step onto the scales. I am 20kg over weight. I am a mess!!! My husband has turned into a total body conscious fitty over the last year. He looks amazing and in response I have rebelled and turned into a big fat slob.
Way to go Lynzi!!!!
This needs to end now!!!
Will quitting the booze really be the answer to all my problems, will quitting the booze help me sleep, make me fitter, healthier, HAPPIER?? If I stop drinking will I start to look the way I want to look. I want to look good, its vain I know but I do. When I look good I feel good!!
I feel fat and ugly at the moment. I feel tired and lifeless. I want to be full of energy, I want to leak happiness, wellbeing and confidence the way I used to.
I remember several years ago before children and the stress of everday life took hold, my boss coming into my office and saying, “I love coming in here, your positivity and happiness is infectious”. I was so confident back then. I loved the way I looked, I loved the way people looked at me. I loved being me!!
The difference between then and now – I looked after myself then. I ran every day, I ate a healthy diet, I read lots of positive thinking books and I meditated regularly. I didn’t get involved in negative chit chat. I was happy and a joy to be around!!!!
That is what the problem is here. I don’t love myself anymore, I don’t respect myself anymore and therefore I don’t look after myself, I drag myself through one day to the next, living for the weekend when I can drown my stresses in wine and junk food
I know what I need to do, I need to stop drinking and eating junk food every time I feel slightly stressed or unhappy. I need to start eating right. I need to drink more water and get a good night’s sleep. I need to stop watching crap TV and start reading more books. I need to do more exercise and start looking after myself.
That is exactly what I did!!
I have been alcohol free now for nearly 6 months and I feel amazing!! Stress is pretty much something of the past. I still have the occasional bad day in the office or with the kids, but I can identify my feelings and tackle them head on. I think so clearly now. I meditate and exercise regularly. I have lost 11kg. I spend the money I save from buying wine on monthly massages and facials. My skin is looking so good I can go out without wearing foundation. My hair is soft and shiny. I feel amazing. I feel healthy, I feel happy!!
So why oh why did I ruin this feeling by drinking on holiday and at my friend’s hen do last weekend?
I’ll tell you why!!
I had forgotten my why!!!
I feel so good now, I had forgotten how bad I felt six months ago. I don’t ever want to go back to feeling that way so I need to promise myself that I will never forget my WHY again!!