So, since my last blog I have quit drinking quadruple times. I would not drink for 5 or 6 days, give myself a pat on the back for a job well done and then pour myself a glass of merlot. What??? I deserved it after 6 days off.
The fact is, I don’t want to just take little breaks here and there. I want to stop drinking completely, forever…Why????
Because I hate myself when I drink!! Don’t get me wrong I don’t generally do anything wrong. I usually drink my bottle of wine chilling in front of the TV once the kids are in bed. What I hate is waking up every night at 3am unable to sleep because I drank. I hate the fact I tell myself almost every time ‘I’m not drinking ever again’ but I do, usually the very next day. I hate I’m always tired, that I gain weight, that my skin looks crap, that I look and feel crap!!!
Because I’m not your stereo typical drunk, people don’t see me as a problem drinker, but I do. I know I am!! I hate myself for drinking, but yet I still do it…if that is not the sign of a problem drinker, then I don’t know what is.
Anyway, 3 weeks ago. I woke up with an incredibly bad hangover, (my husband and I hit it hard celebrating the previous night, we drunk dialed everyone in his address book WTF??? I’m 42 not 21!!!) I had plans that day that all needed to be cancelled because I needed to go back to bed. I was absolutely disgusted with myself!!!
So, I signed myself up for the OYNB 28 day challenge. I’m on day 21. However, I found yesterday that my thoughts were going crazy about being able to drink in 8 days time, but as I said, I don’t want to drink ever again, so I upgraded my 28 day challenge to a 90 day challenge and I decided to start blogging again about my journey. Getting my thoughts and feelings out in here really seems to help me.
I will kick this habit!!!