Hi Honey I’m home – Sitting sober on cloud nine is back in the building!!

Where do I start, its been a while since my last blog, convincing myself that I do not have a drinking problem because I don’t drink everyday and because there are so many people out there that drink way more than I do.

Well the fact is I do have a drinking problem. My problem is that I know drinking makes me feel like crap, it makes me tired, stressed and agitated and yet I still do it!! WHY?????

I use the excuse that it helps me to relax, but I know that’s bullshit!!! It’s the wine that is making me stressed in the first place, not to mention making me fat and lazy to boot.

No matter how many times I say “I’m going to stop drinking once and for all” I always seem to end up back in the same place….me sat on my sofa, drinking red wine. It never used to be more than a bottle, but more recently that one bottle has turned into two. which is really scary!!!!

As I sat heavily in my hangover yesterday, unable to do all the things I had intended to do, I knew that something has to change. So I am back here in blog writing mode starting my journey to sitting sober on cloud nine once more, hoping that this time will be the last time I have to start over.

My plan is to go back to the gym and start working out again. I’m going to make sure I am treating my body with the respect that it deserves because when I eat the right food, exercise and mediate, I feel amazing…my body needs this!! I need this!!!

To help me stay on track I am going to get back to writing regular blogs about how great life is when you are Sitting SOBER on Cloud Nine.

See you soon L xxx

Post Holiday Motivation

So today is Tuesday 20 August 2019, day one of my ‘Miracle Morning 30 Day Life Transformation Challenge (I will explain more about that shortly, first I need to tell you about my holiday).

So in the weeks running up to my holiday, I struggled to find the motivation to lead a healthy life style, by that I mean refraining from drinking alcohol for more than 5 days at a time, eating healthy food and doing some form of exercise, other than exercising my mouth.

I had a serious case of ‘Putting it off until tomorrow syndrome’ Unfortunately tomorrow was actually 5 or 6 weeks away. Thankfully, I am now back from holiday and my motivation to live a happy, healthy life style is through the roof!!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had an amazing holiday!!! However, I am pretty sure my holiday would still have been amazing without my daily diet of croissants for breakfast, bread and cheese for lunch, chocolate waffles as an afternoon snack followed by dinner. All washed down with red wine and cold beer.

Lets talk about a Miracle Morning (my post holiday motivation). Like many, I love to read when I am on holiday and my book of choice this year was the Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. Its about 6 habits that will transform your life before 8am. In the opening page it had a success story from a women who had been doing the miracle morning for 79 days and as a result has lost 29lbs. (79 days?? That is just over 2 months) . From the moment I read this I was hooked. I want to lose 29lbs and would be overjoyed if I achieved that in the next 3 months.

So what is this Miracle Morning and what do I have to do??????

Basically you get up a little earlier in the morning and commit to some personal development. No one would argue that personal development is not good for you.

The 6 habits are called SAVERS

S is for SILENCE – Either sitting in silence or meditating. (I’m going to go with meditation).

A is for Affirmations – This is not something I have done before so I checked out affirmations on google about healthy living.

V is for Visualisations – This is an easy one for me, I love my vision boards.

E is for Exercise – I chose to go for a run (that’s my thing, but any exercise is good)

R is for reading – Reading something that will inspire you or teach you something new. I am reading the Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I love this book, it always puts me in a really positive mindset and that is sooo what I need right now)

S is for scribing – AKA writing. This could be writing in a journal, writing a gratitude list or even writing a book, if that is something you want to do. I am going to commit to writing my blog for the next 30 days.

The beauty of the miracle morning is you can do each one for a long or as little time as you want. Even if you only do each practice for one minute a day, that it 6 minutes of personal development you didn’t do yesterday!!! This personal development will then lead you to achieve your goals. Mine being to live a healthier, happier lifestyle and drop 29lbs in the process.

So this is how my morning has looked so far on day one of my Miracle Morning Life Transformation Challenge:

I woke up at 6am, I jumped out of bed as soon as my alarm went off and went straight to the bathroom. I drank a large glass of water and brushed my teeth. (this was to make sure I didn’t go back to bed).

I then went down stairs (away from my bed!!) and did a 10 minute, guided, morning meditation that I found through google. After that I read the Secret for 15 minutes, which reminded me that like attracts like. What does that mean??

Positive thoughts attract positive actions, whereas Negative thoughts attract negative actions!!! I want to live a happy, healthy life…so it will positive thoughts from me from now on.

Next up was Affirmations. I have never done this before and being completely honest I felt really silly talking to myself in the mirror for 5 minutes. However, I went with it and really tried to feel what I was saying. My Affirmation of choice today was:

I am grateful for my healthy body, I love my life and I love myself” I’m not particularly happy with the way my body looks right now, but I am genuinely happy about my health and all that my body can do!! (Remember focus on the positive).

After my affirmations, I moved onto visualisations, I love visualising, it is day dreaming for grown ups. I visualised, getting to my goal weight and how it would feel going and buying myself a new pair of Levis jeans.

Exercising and Scribing (writing) are probably my favourite. I went for a run (6km) and now I am sitting here writing my blog. You only have to look at my recent posts to see I haven’t really been up for blog writing recently. But here I am, back and focused and feeling alive. I love writing my blog, it brings me joy, especially when I get feedback from people saying I have inspired them in someway.

So over the next 30 days I am going to commit to doing my SAVERS everyday including writing my blog. Watch this space for my progress.

Duped by Holiday Mentality

For those of you who follow me on Instagram, you will know my recent holiday saw the return of my old holiday drinking habits. Despite being sober for almost 6 months and feeling amazing for it, I gave into the cravings, telling myself “I’m on holiday” and “One glass of wine won’t hurt” (not that I only had one glass).

In hindsight, going on a Canal Barge holiday probably wasn’t the best idea for someone trying to abstain from alcohol, seeing how the whole point is to sail from one pub to the next. However, I genuinely believed my days of craving wine were long gone. I hadn’t craved wine for almost 6 months and I have been in many situations where wine was readily available.

I now realise, although I am no longer fooled by the brainwashing that alcohol relieves stress, I was clearly still fooled into believing you can’t enjoy a holiday without drinking.

As I sat in the little canal side pub, drinking my latte by a crackling fire. I watched my husband drink his pint of lager and suddenly started to want a glass of wine more than I have ever wanted one in my life. As I looked around the pub, everyone was drinking. A tug a war started in my head “don’t have a drink you will feel better for not having it” “You’ve been doing so well” to “you are on holiday, having a few wines on holiday is not going to hurt”. I didn’t have a drink in that pub, but disappointingly I did in the next one.

The purpose of a holiday, whether going abroad or staying at home is to recharge our batteries, to reduce stress and relax and to spend quality time with family and friends. I can tell you right now I did not come away from that holiday feeling recharged and relaxed. I came away from that holiday feeling like hell and beating myself up for giving into my wine cravings. (I need tp be clear here. I didn’t land myself in a bucket every night. I drank two or three glasses of wine with my dinner, but that was enough).

As for spending quality time with the family. Well, neither my husband or myself do hangovers well, we spent moments of our holiday not talking to each other or snapping at each other and if you can call shoving phones into my children’s hands to keep them entertained while we had another drink in the bar , then yes we spent quality family time together. (I am actually being a little unfair, we spent a lot of good quality time together as a family, but not as much as we would have done if we took alcohol and hangovers out of the equation).

Brits spend roughly £45 billion on holidays each year in order to recharge their batteries, but how many of us waste that time for relaxing and unwinding by spending our holiday either drunk or hungover. I have heard so many people over the years say they need another holiday to get over their holiday, because they have over done the alcohol.

A friend of mine recently went to France and she like me (in my drinking days) was looking forward to drinking large amounts of wine and eating lots of cheese. We can buy french wine and cheese in the UK so why didn’t either of us just save ourselves a couple of hundred pounds and get drunk on french wine at home.

After a week of binge eating cheese and downing french wine do you think either of us felt relaxed or recharged. Of course not, we both felt like crap!!!

If holidays are designed to relax us and recharge our batteries, why do so many of us come back feeling worse than before we went??

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Thankfully I have returned from my holiday and have seen the error in my ways. I have gone on a 5 day detox to try and get the toxins of alcohol out of my body as soon as possible and have now been sober for 3 days.

If I am being totally honest though, I still don’t feeling great. I have a headache, I cannot control my temperature and I feel totally exhausted. All I want to do is go to bed.

I am a far cry from the full of life person I was before I went on holiday!!!!

Although I am disappointed in myself for giving into my cravings for wine on holiday, I am also proud I have picked myself up, dusted myself off and am once again on the happy path to sobriety.

Alcohol does not in any way shape or form bring me joy, not even on holiday.

I will not be duped by alcohol again!!!!!!!


What is a hangover???

A hangover is the term we use for all the side effects that result from drinking too much alcohol. The side effects typically being a pounding headache, sensitivity to light and sound, sickness and diarrhoea, dizziness, shaking, irritability and tiredness.

I have had some stinking hangovers over the years, the worst one I can remember was after a cocktail drinking binge with our club rep on the last night of our holiday back in 2015. I’m not talking a Club 18-30s Rep, this was the kids club rep at Eurocamp, who seemed to be on a mission to get me and my bestie super drunk on dodgy french spirits.

Her mission was a success, I don’t remember going to bed that evening and I was still throwing up the next day, seconds before we had to check out. The drive from Eurocamp to the ferry was one of the worst experiences of my life!!! I swear I passed out at least twice, I remember begging my husband to pull over so I could get some water, only to be told we didn’t have time because we were already running late because I couldn’t stop being sick.

I swore I would never drink again!!!!!

That lasted three maybe four hours until I got on the ferry and realised I could get a free glass of champagne with my ticket……. “Hair of the dog anyone?”

What I don’t understand is why, if we all know what horrendous effects alcohol can have on us, why on earth do we drink it?? We are knowingly poising ourselves!!!

We wouldn’t consider taking arsenic or cyanide every weekend!! Why is alcohol so different? The symptoms are the same!!

Cyanide poisoning causes; confusion, bizarre behaviour, headaches and dizziness and Arsenic poisoning causes drowsiness, headaches, confusion, diarrhoea and sickness.

Whats the difference????

There is only one way to avoid the horrendous hangover:

DON’T DRINK!!!!

Why are you telling me that????

About 2 billion people world wide consume alcohol. I wonder how many of them question whether they drink too much or feel they have a bad relationship with alcohol? I wonder how many of them wish they could quit drinking but because everyone else around them does it, they just carry on? That is what I did for six years.

When I tell people I don’t drink anymore, whether I have known them for years or just met them 5 minutes ago, they always (with no exceptions) tell me how much they drink.

WHY?????

Oh you don’t drink” they say “well I only drink at the weekends, and I only have one or two”

I wonder if I said I don’t drink tea, they would divulge how often and how much tea they drink. I don’t think they would!!!

So why, when I tell people I don’t drink alcohol do they feel the need to tell me their drinking habits.

I believe it is because they know alcohol is bad for them and that they probably drink too much, but because everyone else around them is doing it, they just bury their heads in the sand and continue. Then when someone tells them they don’t drink, they feel guilty and feel they have to justify their drinking habits.

The fact is, I don’t care if you drink alcohol or not!!! I have chosen to quit drinking for me and only me!!

As it turns out, it is one of the best things I have ever done!!! I feel so full of life and I will never again have to spend another second feeling guilty for having one two many drinks the night before or wondering if I’ve made a fool of myself or upset someone.

I am FREE and I love it!!!!!!

I bumped into a friend in a coffee shop today and we were chatting about our journey to sobriety. She, like me was not what people would class as an ‘alcoholic’, but she knew for 10 years her relationship with alcohol was not good, but because everyone around her was drinking, it took her 10 years to do anything about it.

In 2013, after waking up in my husbands bad books because i’d been an obnoxious, inconsolable bitch the night before, I figured I should address my drinking and went for hypnotherapy. My hypnotherapist took note of the amount I was drinking and told me I didn’t actually drink that much and therefore didn’t need to stop drinking completely, I just needed to cut down.

From that day until October 2018, I knew deep down my relationship with alcohol was affecting my life and not for the better, but because everyone around me was drinking and I’d had confirmation from someone I considered to be in the medical profession that I wasn’t drinking to much, I just carried on.

If you wake up feeling guilty because you drank more than you intended to the night before, or like me and my friend, you know deep down you don’t have a good relationship with alcohol Don’t waste years of your life like we did, not doing anything about it. We both feel amazing now for kicking the drink and you could too!!!

I can see clearly at last!!

Four months ago, I decided to give up alcohol, it was something I’d wanted to do for some time, years in fact. But there was always another event coming up where I felt I needed to drink. My 40th birthday being a perfect example or our summer holiday. I couldn’t possibly go on holiday and not
have a drink, I mean what sort of holiday would that be.

My reason for wanting to give up the booze wasn’t because “I have a problem” as many people assume, when I say I’ve quit drinking. I didn’t live on a diet of vodka, vodka and more vodka. I didn’t need to have a drink each morning to function, in fact I didn’t need to drink every day at all. I would drink 2 or 3 glasses of wine on a Friday and Saturday night (Yes, they were large glasses, but I’d worked hard all week, I deserved a drink). I’d also have a glass or two during the week if I’d had a particularly stressful day at work or with the kids, but as I said it wasn’t every day.

I didn’t in any way shape or form consider myself to be addicted to alcohol, but of course I was. I drank alcohol on a regular basis, at least once if not twice a week and alcohol is an addictive substance, FACT!!! Anyone who drinks regularly, no matter how little they drink is addicted on some level to alcohol, unless of course they are Superman or Superwoman and are in possession of super powers.

The main reason I wanted to give up the booze was because I blamed it for the fact that I couldn’t lose weight. It didn’t seem to matter what diet plan I followed and believe me I have followed them all (slimming world, hypnotherapy (with 3 different hypnotherapists), miracle lemonade diet, cabbage soup diet, herbal life, the 5:2 diet, the list goes on, but I think you get the picture). I desperately wanted to be thin and even though I would stick to a diet all week, at the weekend, a bottle of wine would be opened, which would shortly be followed by multiple trips to the fridge and kitchen cupboards.

In March 2018, I decided I was going to quit drinking, so I bought myself a book called ‘Stop drinking now’ by Allan Carr, what an eye opener that was, In the book, Allan tackles all the reasons people believe they drink and highlights the fact that you get no joy or emotional support from drinking. His words certainly spoke to me and I didn’t touch a drop of alcohol for 12 weeks. I felt good, I was sleeping better, I lost a little weight, I had more energy and I was a lot less stressed. So, I have to wonder now, why on earth did I start drinking again?

The reason was simple, My 40th birthday was fast approaching, and we had loads of plans for the summer where alcohol would be present, so I just started drinking again. Although Allan’s book had outlined alcohol gave me no joy or emotional support. I couldn’t see how I could have a birthday party without alcohol. (I had to have champagne, I was turning 40!!!). We had loads of camping trips coming up with my kids motorcycle team and they all involved drinking round a campfire. It just seemed like a silly time to give up the booze. So, I went straight back to my old drinking habits, in fact I was drinking more because it was summer and summer equals beer gardens and BBQ’s, and you can’t go to a BBQ or beer garden and not drink…right?

In October 2018, I looked in the mirror and saw the effects drinking was having on my skin, I was able to get away without wearing foundation long into my thirties and now I was having to purchase Estee Lauder double wear foundation, to hide my skins flaws. I was tired of waking up 3 or 4 times through the night because I was having a hot flush and desperately needed a drink of water. My tiredness and dehydration led to me getting stressed out and angry at the slightest little things. It was time to give up the booze once and for all and to give myself a chance at living my life to the fullest without the effects of alcohol.

So back out came my Allan Carr book, along with several other books on sobriety. I also downloaded an ‘I am sober’ app so I could track my progress. My favourite bit of the app is the daily alert, which reminds me why I have stopped drinking, you write this yourself, mine says;

I want to be happy and healthy, drinking makes me sad and it makes me look rough. I get angry and stressed easily when I drink. I like myself better when I don’t drink.

In the beginning, making the above pledge everyday really spurred me on. After 2 months though I felt amazing and there was nothing that would make me go back to the way I felt before. The best way I can describe how I feel now is to tell you the story about my first pair of glasses. Many years ago, I decided glasses were cool and I wanted some, there was nothing wrong with my eyesight (or so I thought). I went along for an eye test and was given a very slight prescription. I was happy as Larry, “ one pair of black framed Dior glasses please” (I was a bit of a designer junky back then). Two weeks later my glasses were ready, I went along to the opticians and was told to stand at the back of the shop and look out across the shopping Mall, which I did. I could see everything without an issue. The optician then handed me my new glasses (that I didn’t think I needed). I put them on and looked out across the shopping mall once again. I couldn’t believe how much clearer my vision was. When I quit drinking it was like I could suddenly see my life clearly and realised how much time i’d wasted drinking booze and living with a hangover.

By writing this Blog I hope to show you that all the reasons you think you drink are all just in your head and that you’ve been brain washed from a young age into thinking that alcohol brings you some sort of joy or emotional support. Perhaps you think it makes you more confident or simply that you like the taste, or enjoy drinking. Which makes me ask the question,

Do you know what alcohol is???


A glass of wine, a pint of beer, a gin and tonic, whatever your tipple may be, it contains ethanol. Ethanol is a type of alcohol produced by fermentation of grains, fruits or other sources of sugar, this exact same chemical is used as motor fuel.

Would you go and order a glass of motor fuel at the bar and believe that it would give you some sort of joy or emotional support?

Do you think a glass of motor fuel will make you more confident?

Do you think you would like the taste or enjoy drinking motor fuel?

I don’t think so!!

For me personally, I used to believe my wine helped me to relax. Since giving up the booze, I have realised wine did not relax me, in fact it made my life more stressful. Drinking a glass or two of wine, didn’t make my stresses magically disappear, I would still need to deal with them eventually, only I then had to deal with them with a hangover.

Since quitting the booze I wake up every morning feeling on cloud nine and I want to scream how good I feel, so more people can follow my lead, so they too can feel amazing.